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Another try

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So I'm embarking on my second journey of low-beam electron radiation, this time on my right hand. Someone asked me if I'm excited about that. No, I'm not. What do I feel? I'm asking myself that question these days. Because I'm not real sure. I do know it's a gamble to invest more time and money and now LOTS of mileage to try radiation therapy in hopes of putting Dup into remission in my right hand. I tried RT on my left in December '24 and February '25. Sadly, Dup has progressed there. But together, James and I decided to have RT on my right, this time under the direction of Dr. Shalin Shah, who's treated Dup patients for more than 11 years. So I'm hopeful this time but realistic, too. Above all, I pray for God's will for my hands. 
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Discouraged, sad

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I spotted him in church this morning. I know he has Dup because his wife had told me a few weeks ago. He’s older than me and has been in the Dup trenches for at least 10 years. He told me that he had Xiaflex in years past. The pain was unbearable and,  despite deadening meds to numb his hand, it sent him out of his chair. Two fingers on one hand are bent to his palm. I think his other hand is equally affected. Yes, they hurt him. Sometimes at night the pain wakes him up. Seeing his crippled hands brought tears to my eyes. For him. For me.  For my hands’ unknown future. The likely possibilities scare me. I can barely look at my hands. In the past few months, my right hand has been trying to catch up with my left. Yes, they are worsening. They burn and ache (thankfully low key) constantly now. They’re tighter. Yes, I can still fully open and extend my hands. A blessing. I know. And I thank God for that.  Next month, I’ll see oncologist Dr. Shalin Shah in person (not virtual...
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